Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Earthquake


No we don't have any actual seismic activity in PA. I'm actually using it as a metaphor. I've been noticing lately that disease doesn't just infect the patient. It ripples outwards and effects all those surrounding that person. In my case my little boy knows more about Diabetes than I ever thought possible for a 4 year old. Obviously though, the ultimate responsibility for his care falls to his father and I. And lately I have been wishing for a time out from Diabetes. When I think logically about it I know it can be so much worse. There are a lot of children suffering from diseases that are undoubtedly fatal. Children also suffer in poverty throughout the world. Perhaps I'm being selfish. However, those sentiments sound well and good but they don't get me through the day. Lately a few events have occurred that have made me feel this way. If you read my blog today you'll know that we went to NJ this weekend. Evan and I left the kids with my parents. While I really did enjoy myself I had a nagging shadow of doubt with me the entire day. My parents did great taking care of the kids, including his diabetes management. Yet, I wish that I didn't have to leave my child with a 2 page instruction manual. Then we also had the birthday party. Ah the joy of a party. What should be a relaxed time always ends up with us dealing with funky blood sugars. The constant eating, including birthday cake, seems to inevitably mess with his blood sugar. I don't even want to think what the other guests thought of my husband forcefully instructing my son to eat more candy quickly. I also have an event that I would really like to go to. Unfortunately, my in-laws who are usually great about babysitting are unavailable. I know there are many of you who also only use family as sitters. I just wish I had the option of calling a sitter. AJ has also been asking for sleepovers. Now I'm sorry but 4 is just too young for a sleepover. Yet it is just one of many things that will come up in the future.
I've been having a lot of guilt lately for feeling this way. I also feel badly because we are doing the Walk to Cure Diabetes on October 26th and I haven't sent out one letter/email to gain pledges. I did the same thing last year. While I know how important it is to raise funds I just can't bring myself to do it. I think I am having a hard time admitting that my son is someone who needs help... in essence he is the "cause". Does that make sense? Plus, every time I start writing the letter I get way too emotional and I'm not the crying kind of girl.


Photobucket

5 comments:

Kelly said...

I can only imagine how hard AJ's diabetes has been for you but you are a great mom and have a done a great job with it so far! Remember as he get older, he will be able to do more and more in terms of management himself.

Shannon said...

you are so inspirational. i know that the constant thinking about it/managing it has got to wear on you, but you always handle it with such grace. it is so great though that you get the opportunity to say, boy i wish i just had a time out from it. it is hard on you... and you need the space to say that once in a while. sending you hugs.

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

NO GUILT.

Really.

NO GUILT.

You do what you can. That's all a mom - any mom - can do. Did your children feel loved today? Are they still in one piece? Congrats, Mom, you get an A+. Cause the rest, it's just extra credit.

NO. GUILT.

Shannon said...

You have inspired me! Although I have limited understanding of the challenges you and your family face, in someway I can relate to the constant worrying that you must go through. You are an amazing mother!!

elebelly & mommy said...

I can't tell you I understand what you go through each day but I can say you're writing about it helps opens peoples eyes more about what is to care for a child with diabetes. Your participation alone in the Walk to Cure Diabetes is a great thing!