Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

My speed demons!


A Novel In the Making Or Just a Clumsy Fat Girl??

I'm thinking I should start writing a novel. It would be a novel along the lines of Bridget Jones Diary or any of the Jen Lancaster books. I just think that I should somehow profit off of the idiocy of my life. Take this past weekend for example.
I had been hearing about the Zumba workout craze for a while now. For those that haven't heard of it Zumba "fuses hypnotic latin rhythms and easy to follow moves to create a fun aerobic workout". Easy to follow for some, but not me... more on that in a bit. Some of the girls at my gym have been raving about it. I am not usually one to take classes. Too many nightmarish memories of step classes with girls in their thong unitards. Whenever I have taken any aerobics class it seems that while everyone else is kicking up to the left I'm still over to the right doing G-d knows what, all the while trying not to have a heart attack. I explained this to one of the Zumba girls but she assured me that it was nothing like that. So one of my good friends and I took the class together on Friday afternoon. I expected to sweat a lot and feel like dying, so no surprise there. However, the Latin American instructor was like an over-crazed Chihuahua. Her feet were doing things that mine will just never do. So I just kicked my feet around in the hopes that I would somehow look like I knew what I was doing. Meanwhile, the Latin culture tends to have a certain sexual vibe which I'm sure Zumba is supposed to convey. However, this chubster felt about as sexy as these lovely ladies:
So on Saturday I woke up a little sore but feeling good. AJ's soccer game is canceled due to the rain so I figure it's a good opportunity to try a Pilates class. I have done Pilates about 3-4 times before. The last time I had done it I ended up getting extremely ill the next day, which included a 103 degree fever. But I chalked it up to coincidence.
This time around I manage to survive through the class and was actually feeling pretty good about things. The instructor knew I was a beginner and after the class she said I did really well. My stomach muscles were sore in a good way. Yeah, a class I can do! Fast forward about 2 hours. I was barely able to sit because my spine and tailbone were so sore. They felt like they should have been covered in black and blues. Then my back started to really bother me. My shirt rubbing against me was hurting. I finally lifted my shirt up and looked at my back in the mirror. That's when I noticed that part of it was missing. Literally missing. I have a huge circle of missing skin. I have a red gaping hole in my back. Fabulous.
Maybe fat chicks are just destined to stay fat!