Friday, August 29, 2008

Diarrhea of the Mouth

That's what Mom always called it when people just couldn't stop talking. And apparently I have just been diagnosed. I used to cringe when my Dad would start talking to the stranger in line with us. Well that's exactly what I did tonight at Target and I paid for it. I went there to get a gift bag and b-day card. I picked the shortest line and plopped down my bag, card, french manicure kit and random other items that cost $40+. The man in front of me, whose ass looked like it just swallowed a large pole, had a single bottle of Listerine. Who goes in there for just Listerine? Certainly this man is not getting a last minute booty call. Hmm... unless he did the calling to one of "those" numbers in the back of Philly magazine. Anyhoo, here's the rundown on what happened:
Man to 16 year old stoner cashier: This is it, pointing to the Listerine.
At this point I make the mistake of not using the red bar thingy in front of my stuff. I mean he just told the dude that he only had the one item.
Me: Ha Ha. Unless you feel like paying for mine.
Man: Well maybe you should pay for mine since you have all that and I only have this.
We now both realize that the cashier is laughing and putting my items in with Mr. Anal's.
Man: No, no. I just have the Listerine.
Cashier is still just laughing.
Me: No, we're serious. We are not together. And certainly never would be in this lifetime. The last part I didn't say out loud.
Cashier: Ohhhh. I thought you were just joking.
Fast forward about 6 minutes. I am pulling the Target bag out of my car in the garage. I look in my bag and realize that I don't have the gift bag. You know the one item I actually needed. For a b-day party tomorrow! It looks like Mr. Anal has received a free Teddy Bear gift bag courtesy of Target and my big mouth. So an hour later I go back to Target for the second time in one night. Do they sell Immodium for the mouth??



Nancy said...

Oh Christ, this sounds like a page torn from my life...

Cosmo Mom said...

My husband says I suffer from Diarrhea of the mouth on a daily bases. I just talk and talk, and often times don't know when to stop. I always tend to give more information than people want. And sometimes in the most inappropriate of situations.