May Her Memory Be For A Blessing

One month ago today on January 9th my dear friend Shari passed away. She was a wife and devoted mother to a beautiful 6 year old girl. She was also an all around amazing woman and friend.

To be truthful I have been avoiding my blog for the past month because I can't seem to put into words all that I feel. And sometimes the "feeling" still hurts too much. Maybe at some point in the future I will write more. For now I'm just going to remember her smile and how it could bring such happiness to all around her.

Happy Birthday AJ!

I'm not sure where the time goes. Can my little boy really be 6?? It seems like just yesterday when we brought him home.

Casey Johnson

It is always unpleasant when we hear of someone so young passing. It seems as though Hollywood has had more than it's share of such tragedies in the recent news. I always feel bad upon hearing about these young celebrities. No matter how a person lived their life, death is always sad. It certainly seems a shame that people who are loved by so many and have so many privileges can succumb to such a tragic end. That certainly seems to be the case with Casey Johnson who recently died at the age of 30 from unknown causes. Although I didn't know Casey her death has hit closer to home. Casey was a young socialite who was known in the tabloids for her famous lesbian affairs and party girl life style. What is not as well known is that she also suffered from Type 1 Diabetes. In fact, her father Robert "Woody" Johnson, owner of the Jets, is chairman of the JDRF. At this point we don't know how, or even if, her diabetes played any part in her death.

Besides feeling sad I also feel a bit angry. Perhaps it's just timing. As I write this a dear friend is literally fighting for her life. Yet, Casey, who had so many opportunities available to her seemingly threw her life away. I know that nothing has been proven yet, but it does seem fairly obvious that she was involved with drugs and alcohol. This can't be healthy for anyone but it is of particular concern for anyone with a serious health condition.

This leads me to the next reason that her death has me upset. I know that at some point soon my son will start asking me questions relating to his own lifespan and the effects of diabetes. I already find myself quickly changing stations whenever Type 2 diabetes commercials are on. They mostly always mention the long term side effects of diabetes, such as impotency, heart disease, etc.

Aiden is a very active participant in his own diabetes management. He can check his blood sugar. When told the number of carbohydrates, he can use his pump to give himself insulin. We have talked often about how we all need to work hard to keep him healthy. However, I struggle with how much much information I need to share with him. After all he is only 5! He has enough added stress in his life. I don't want to scare him with the repercussions that can happen if he doesn't take care of himself. But is omitting the truth the same as lying? What do you think?

Bueller, Bueller

Ah, so this is what Blogger looks like. I had forgotten. For all two of you that used to read, you may wonder why I disappeared. It was for the following two reasons.

1. Facebook: I'll admit I got sucked into the vortex and couldn't seem to juggle my time. And I didn't even play Farmville or Mafia Wars.

2. I will admit that one of my more annoying personality traits is a case of perfectionism. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I either do it perfectly or don't do it at all. My blog suffered from this mindset. I kept comparing myself to others. Let's face it there are some really good blogs out there. What can I write about that will be exciting? My life is pretty darn boring. A lot of the blogs that I see are money making blogs and involve lots of give aways. I was feeling the pressure to make mine compare to that.

So now I've gotten real with myself. I don't have a professional background in PR, marketing, journalism, or business. So if you want to win something you can stop reading now. I also won't be worrying about my stats; i.e how many readers I have.

I've decided to use this blog as more of a journal for myself and my children. Someday I hope they can look back and get a glimpse of who we all were. I'd be more than happy for you to come read and comment. But if not I'm okay having a blogging party of one:)

Wordless Wednesday

My speed demons!

A Novel In the Making Or Just a Clumsy Fat Girl??

I'm thinking I should start writing a novel. It would be a novel along the lines of Bridget Jones Diary or any of the Jen Lancaster books. I just think that I should somehow profit off of the idiocy of my life. Take this past weekend for example.

I had been hearing about the Zumba workout craze for a while now. For those that haven't heard of it Zumba "fuses hypnotic latin rhythms and easy to follow moves to create a fun aerobic workout". Easy to follow for some, but not me... more on that in a bit. Some of the girls at my gym have been raving about it. I am not usually one to take classes. Too many nightmarish memories of step classes with girls in their thong unitards. Whenever I have taken any aerobics class it seems that while everyone else is kicking up to the left I'm still over to the right doing G-d knows what, all the while trying not to have a heart attack. I explained this to one of the Zumba girls but she assured me that it was nothing like that. So one of my good friends and I took the class together on Friday afternoon. I expected to sweat a lot and feel like dying, so no surprise there. However, the Latin American instructor was like an over-crazed Chihuahua. Her feet were doing things that mine will just never do. So I just kicked my feet around in the hopes that I would somehow look like I knew what I was doing. Meanwhile, the Latin culture tends to have a certain sexual vibe which I'm sure Zumba is supposed to convey. However, this chubster felt about as sexy as these lovely ladies:

So on Saturday I woke up a little sore but feeling good. AJ's soccer game is canceled due to the rain so I figure it's a good opportunity to try a Pilates class. I have done Pilates about 3-4 times before. The last time I had done it I ended up getting extremely ill the next day, which included a 103 degree fever. But I chalked it up to coincidence.

This time around I manage to survive through the class and was actually feeling pretty good about things. The instructor knew I was a beginner and after the class she said I did really well. My stomach muscles were sore in a good way. Yeah, a class I can do! Fast forward about 2 hours. I was barely able to sit because my spine and tailbone were so sore. They felt like they should have been covered in black and blues. Then my back started to really bother me. My shirt rubbing against me was hurting. I finally lifted my shirt up and looked at my back in the mirror. That's when I noticed that part of it was missing. Literally missing. I have a huge circle of missing skin. I have a red gaping hole in my back. Fabulous.

Maybe fat chicks are just destined to stay fat!

On the Hamster Wheel Again

We are fortunate that on most days Diabetes is just an inconvenience. To be frank it's a huge pain in the rear. There is the endless poking of the fingers to do blood sugar checks, site changes, etc. However, for the most part we go on with our lives. That's not to say that it isn't a constant cause for worry or stress. But we deal.

Than there are days or weeks that Diabetes suddenly rears its ugly head and causes us trouble. This week was one of them. It first started with our interest in a CGMS (continuous glucose monitoring system). This device would check AJ's blood sugar (kind of... I won't bore you with the actual medical mumbo jumbo) every 5 minutes to show us if he is heading up or down. We would still have to perform regular finger checks to confirm what we see and to calibrate the machine. Why bother then? Well because it can show you things that you might not otherwise see. When we check AJ now we only know the # we get; is he high, low or okay? What we don't know is where he is heading. The CGMS can be a very effective tool. The reason we haven't done it before now is that it requires a separate site to be worn. Here's what the CGMS and pump combo looks like:

There was talk that they would somehow integrate it with his pump site but that doesn't appear to be happening. He has been dealing a lot better with his pump site changes but certainly doesn't love them. So do we really want to subject him to that?

Of course, another concern is the cost. This is where I turn into the hamster running on the wheel. I called the company that we would order the device from to see if they knew how much it would cost and if our insurance would cover it. Not so simple. In order to find this out I have to call the doctor's office so they can fax a letter of medical necessity over to the insurance company. Now right there I have to laugh. The doctor basically needs to stretch the truth and state that AJ is "uncontrolled" and that he needs the device. I suppose this "uncontrolled" diabetes will be the reasoning why he will never be able to get life insurance. But I digress. I had the endo's office fax over the ppw. Then the insurance company will get in touch with the company. And the company will get in touch with me. Weeks of spinning on a wheel just to find out how much the thing will cost us! Because we're still not sure we are going to get it!

To top things off both kiddos have had a cold. AJ's must be getting worse. All night his numbers were very high. This morning I checked him and it was way too high. Even worse he had ketones. So we haven't left the house. He's been a tinkle machine all day because of all the liquid I'm pumping into him. And we are all a little more than cranky. Although, I guess if we were going to hibernate a rainy day is the perfect day to do it:)